Paeraes Vyri

There she lay, the world underneath her rising and falling in a gentle breath of air, her ear pressed against his heart as she listened to the soft and steady sound. The dark room was silent and yet Estrella heard a symphony.
The woman had tried to fall asleep, but her mind was still racing.
It must be a dream, all of it… how could all of her most intimate and private of dreams become reality all so quickly?

And yet there she lay, his arms wrapped around her as he slept in their own home. Their home. No one else’s. Their safe haven against the world.

This alone would have been enough for the young woman. After all, in her old life she had always been raised, or rather trained, that this kind of life was forbidden to her. It was the life of the free and she would never be free.
But she was free, in love, and…

“Queen?”
“Ard Fiona.”
“Of the fae?”
“Of the Seelies.”

Restlessly she shifted in his arms, causing him to stir slightly, his arms pulling her closer and bringing a wave of comfort to her as he murmured something unintelligible and yet tender and sweet to her ears.

No, she wasn’t there yet. There were a few more steps on that path.
First, and most importantly, she must become a Seelie.
It would not be easy, and even more difficult given that her blood was not pure as the Seelies so maliciously guarded. But out of all of their choices, the human born woman would have to do.
Second, she would have to learn so much in such a short amount of time. She had learned much by staying with Druid and Snow, but even then she knew the two kept her in the dark on most things because they did not want to burden her with such worlds.
Third, she’d have to learn to do it without Snow by her side.

Life was funny like that, you are given a glimpse of everything your heart ever dreamed of, only to find out that you would loose it all soon.

She was terrified by the thought of him leaving, but determined at the same time.

“I will wait for you, I promise my Snow. I’ll wait and I’ll do everything I can to make sure you have something to come back to.” Her lips were pressed against his heart as she spoke and then finally, slowly, she drifted off to sleep.

Sleep

Last time I left off explaining how I ended up in the cave of a satyr while having an affair with his son.

Well a lot has happened since then.

For a week or two I made myself comfortable in Karamoon again, I mentioned this in my previous blog. How I stayed within the cave mostly, got to know Druid a bit better, then started to make friends at the Port. Well on one day in particular I met a woman we’ll call Draca.

Once again I bundled up my courage and stepped out when I saw two dragons outside the cave, and once again I wasn’t disappointed.

Draca is one of those friends I’ll keep around for a long time to come. Instantly we clicked for whatever reason, I could write a whole blog post about my love for her, but I’ll cut myself short here for fear of revealing my love affair for this woman.

I believe that part of the reason I get along better in Karamoon than in Gor is because there are a lot more college students who come to KM to roleplay. I’m not saying that there aren’t any in Gor, but it seemed to me a lot more people were older, married, had children and far far beyond my usual social group. I have always been able to get along better with more mature audiences, even when I was a minor I would RP with adults (appropriately, I was old enough to know the damage I’d cause by going too far). But even then there were moments where I would make a reference or a joke that really is an age difference and people would just stare at me blankly.
For example there was a night where I responded to J’s comment with “Orly?”
I can’t remember what he said exactly, but it was something about typing out a full word and how ugly leet talk was.
To which I rolled my eyes and replied, “Nowai!”
Yeah… there were problems with age difference.
And that’s not to say I knew everything! There were moments he would make a reference or joke to something and I would just blink and scratch my head.

There are older players in Karamoon as well, Druid for one, but I’ve discovered since I’ve left Gor I’ve begun to RP more with players my own age and in college. The players who are my age and not in college…. well I wont generalize, because I know there are a lot of intelligent people who can’t go to college for many reasons, but those people aside…. there are some dumb 20ish year olds in the world. People I avoid like the plague. The kind who can’t RP their way out of a paper bag and thus rely solely on their meter combat. Yeeeeaaah…. those kind of people.

Did I mention that Draca and Snow (along with a few others I RP with) are all my age and college students.

Now! Back to what happened at the cave. (And I apologize for these past few posts being so bouncy. I’m trying to catch up on the happenings of the past few months before describing what has been happening recently)

As many of you know, SL changed the rules for void sims and thus KM decided to get rid of the sim where I was living with Druid. At first I was devastated, I wasn’t sure if Druid would allow me to move with him, if he was going to move, or if I would have to find a new place on my own. I also enjoyed being the crazy human who lived out in a volcanic valley with a known lech.

Druid quickly quieted one of my fears, “Do nae worry lass, satyr’s take care of their kin, an yer kin.”

I’m kin.

Such a simple thing to say, but it meant so much to me. In Gor I had never really had “kin”, it’s not common for kajirae to have families. It’s not what people are looking for, sure we have sisters, but that can be traded in on a dime as I had seen so often before. But what Druid was offering was a family, a true family I had never had before.

I had always thought before that J had offered a more stable home for me to live in. But I’ve discovered that is not so. J’s stability was always based on his love, and his love based on how pleasing I was. And there were times I where I could not meet his constantly changing conditions.

But with Druid, there’s no prerequisite on the offering of a home. I’m family and even if Snow and I were to call things off, I’m still family.

I can’t even begin to describe how nice that feels… after being subject to changing moods and desires for so long.

But I couldn’t move in right away to a new place. KM had decided after removing their void sims to redo their entire setup, so a lot of people were put out of homes with no immediate place to resettle.

In comes Draca. Draca is the admin for her own sim and offered me a temporary home on a sky platform until I was able to reset up in Karamoon. She set me up with my own little cottage, complete with potted plants and a dresser.

It came in handy when Snow signed in invisible (being a King can be hard, neh?) just to spend time with me. After all, we couldn’t got to Karamoon or we’d be caught. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone do that for me, I’ve been with a lot of high ranking individuals in SL, and always accepted that I came second to duty. And I still don’t expect Snow to focus all of his attention on me, but to know he goes out of his way to sign on invisible so nothing can be ruined… that’s just sweet.

Except last time things were ruined. Well sort of…

Druid and I had moved back to Karamoon as new rental places were set up, and thus Draca took down my cottage (she needed the prims and it was agreed that as soon as I was reestablished that this would happen although I miss having her as a neighbor). Well of course Snow and I couldn’t be in Karamoon together, so we went to Druid’s off sim home.

All I have to say is “fucking land restrictions”.

Nothing would work, the rugs with poses wouldn’t listen to us, his hud wouldn’t work, and so he rushed to another place he thought would work, and crashed.

I wasn’t upset, a little frustrated, but I knew that it was something that just happens and he was trying so hard to give me a romantic evening.

I mentioned to him I’d look into renting a place next month, this month I’m a little strapped for cash (what’s new?) so renting was not an option immediately for me.

That night I signed on, we opened the presents we bought each other. I bought him a falcon that perches on his shoulder, he named it Paeraes Sol meaning Desert Wind, and he bought me the Choco Corgi which is amazing and looks like my RL puppy.

He then added perhaps the oddest thing….
“You’re about to get an invite to a group. Accept it.”
“Ok… what for?”
“I rented a place.”
“…..wha?”

The boy is romantic, but sometimes his presentation lacks style. But I love him anyway.

So now, as you can guess, we live together in a treehouse that has been fully decorated for the holiday season. Stockings for me, Snow, Druid, Draca, Buttons and Wolf; a christmas tree Snow chopped down and drug in; an evil santa throne that looks like someone just recolored the throne Snow has in Karamoon (but has a muuuuch nice animation) and of course presents and mistletoe.

One thing’s for sure….

It’s going to be a good Christmas.

My second life has been an odd one, I always seem to get caught at just the right moment by just the right person who brings me to just the right place.

This time was no different…

Even a lot of my friends are confused as to how I could turn so quickly and seem to have no doubts about leaving Gor and my old Master. I still get the occasional, “Are you doing alright?” from some, to which I happily reply, “Never better.”

And that’s not to brag and say I am better off than J. In fact I wish him the best and am truly sorry for any hurt I may have caused him. But it was time for me to face the truth and move on so that he could move on with his life.

In anycase, back to the point, what happened this time. The honest truth, no matter where that may leave me.

In the summer I had met a person in Karamoon, who we’ll call Snow, and I knew the day I met him that he was trouble. I was attracted to him as a roleplayer and if I didn’t want to rock the boat then I best stay away from him.

So of course I didn’t…

Instead I engaged in probably the most romantic love story I’ve ever come across in SL.

I was still owned, and thus was still serving the Keep (the evil place in Karamoon). One day I saw Snow crossing the moat and trying to sneak in. So of course, I ratted him out to the Dark Lord. Snow was quickly captured, and taken down below for some thorough torturing.

When it was done, when everyone had left him hanging in his cell, I snuck down. I told myself it was for RP, that I was trying to earn his trust that I may be a better spy in RP and nothing more.

How wrong I was.

I had to save the RP on a notecard after I was done, I think it becomes clear why. And of course all names have been edited because I can dammit.

Estrella Canadeo hesitates, setting down her package before continuing closer, “Sir Snow?” She asks softly to see if he was conscious.
Snow: Yes My Lady ?
Estrella Canadeo frowns, “No need to be formal.” She whispers in a soft voice as if fearing being caught. “I’ve… I’ve brought you water.” Her eyes tear up, “It was the least I could do.”
Snow: Thank you My Lady, I dearly appreciate it.
Mer in the next cell: qu’iree…
Snow looks over his shoulder,”Can you give it to the Lady in the cell, she needs it more than I.”
Estrella Canadeo gives the fawn a look but nods. “Alright.”
Mer: utiiyi spill er
Snow: Thank you My Lady. I will remember your kindness.
Estrella Canadeo looks back to Snow and shakes her head, “I remembered yours.”
Snow smiles to her as he watches her over his shoulder.
Estrella Canadeo opens the door slowly peaking in, “Compliments of Sir Snow.” She tries to say lightly, her stomach obviously turning at all of this.
The mer nods “thank you, please just spill it”
Estrella Canadeo nods, tipping the bowl over the floor.
The mer stands over the water closing her eyes
Estrella Canadeo pauses for just a moment then closes the door quickly, whispering a soft sorry for her rudeness.
Snow: My Lady Estrella ?
Estrella Canadeo lifts her head then quickly returns to Snow’s side, “Yes?”
Snow: Is there moisture on your fingers ?
Estrella Canadeo feels her eyes water up again but she does her best to swallow it down and nod, “Yes just a bit..” She moves in front of him and lifts her hand. “I’d clean you off but then they’d know.” She offered in apology.
Snow: No, just raise your hand to me.
Estrella Canadeo stands on tip toe and does so.
Snow leans down and runs his lips across her fingertips, letting the moisture seep into his dry lips.
Snow: Thank you My Lady.
Estrella Canadeo shivers slightly then withdraws her hand.
You: I will try to return with more water…
Estrella Canadeo with that turns quickly and darts out of the dungeon before being sighted.
A human in another cell grins and smiles “Well one thing for sure good to hear that there still good people here within these walls”

I guess I should have stayed away. I meant to capture his attention through this, but he caught mine with his clever sexual hint of drinking from my fingers. Since that day, Snow always says with a twinkle in his eyes that he got to drink from the fingers of an angel.

-insert romantic sigh-

May I also pause here to remind everyone why I had to start a new blog? Because I am well aware this isn’t at all Gorean. Not even in the slightest! But it’s still me, a part of me that I’ve been neglecting for too long. I’m sure there will come a day when I miss pure dominance, but for now I’m enjoying myself as Paeraes Vyri.

A week or two after this meeting, J and I broke up. Not just a little spat, but a big one, and I thought it was the end of it at the time as I sat in Karamoon wondering what I was going to do now.

Then I saw Snow on the map, which led me to do something I’ve never really done before, approach a player for no reason at all.

I wont go into details, but I stayed up until five in the morning that night absolutely drunk on RP love.

There was one snag, however, and this is where things get messy and where I know I have done wrong. This is “the juicy” part if you will.

Snow was in a prearranged marriage, thus our romance that was blossoming was perhaps not the best of ideas. He was a Prince in the RP, I didn’t know this, nor did I care. (Although he certainly deserves the title as his rping abilities are amazing) But the part about the prearranged marriage was a problem. I thought if I continued to RP with him then there would be a fabulous love story about how a Prince chose the ex-slave girl over duty.

That didn’t happen.

In my defense, it may have happened if he had been online in the month before the marriage, but he just wasn’t. Seems I’m not the only one who goes on month long road trips without much warning. He comes back, he’s married, and that’s that.

Which set me into a very depressed and lonely state. I wanted to be with Snow, I couldn’t be with Snow, and he had made it clear once he married he would only see Essie as a friend. I didn’t know what to do with myself at all and so I turned back to what I knew.

I returned to J and I told myself that this was right, that this was better, but it really wasn’t. That’s not his fault, it’s mine for being weak and returning to him only because I had been stung by Snow. I am sorry for that, I truly am.

But even if that had been a false and empty reason to return, it would have been alright, save for one hitch.

Snow started to talk to me again.

I admit at first I was confused. He had said he would only see me as a friend after the marriage, and yet I was starting to pick up on him becoming more and more flirtatious. It hurt a little, because I felt betrayed, but I enjoyed his company so much and I didn’t want to be so selfish as to reject his friendship based on RP, so I continued to talk to him without telling anyone.

That was also probably a mistake…

It came to a point where I thought I should probably distance myself as J and I became more serious and I voiced to Snow that I was leaving Karamoon. That was the honest thing to do after all… and if you can say anything about me, I do try to be honest. I might not alway succeed because I am human, but I do my best.

In this case I failed. He simply said that was too bad, that he was thinking of taking me in as his slave, which left me with my jaw dropped. In hindsight, he was probably panicking that I was leaving and knew he needed a trump card to attract me again.

Well… it worked.

I came back, flirted with him a bit, met his family, but never got the time alone.

That and I wasn’t allowed to be away from J’s feet for very long when he was online. Within a few weeks I gave up on visiting Karamoon and things went back to IM with very light conversation. Trouble averted for now.

Although I had in the mean time requested unrestricted status for very selfish reasons. I wanted to make this work where I got the best of both worlds. The comfort and support of a stable home while sneaking off and having the roleplay I craved. It wasn’t right, it was horribly selfish, and this is the first time I’ve outright admitted it.

Told ya it was juicy.

I’m not really sure if I was granted unrestriction, we went back and forth on it. At one point J said I was, but then would refer to me as his private slut. Guess it doesn’t matter, one night in IMs Snow pins me up against the wall and after several months of building up it finally happened, worse part of all I was sitting in J’s arms the whole time.

After that, I knew deep down I was going to have to right the wrong I had just committed. It was a big one but I tried to tell myself that I was unrestricted, that I was still in love with J and I wasn’t betraying him in the slightest.

Things moved fast after that, Snow wanted me to move in with his father so I had a place to stay in Karamoon and I honestly didn’t plan on accepting the offer, I’m much too shy for that. But I bumped into the father, who we’ll call Druid, and no questions asked I was bedded down in his cave.

It was that night actually where I had to face the truth.

I was talking to Druid as he set up a private room for myself. It was during the time J was normally asleep, the time when I normally spent an hour or two in Karamoon before finishing homework then staying up late to talk to J. Well on this particular night, J woke up early, not just a little early,  but 3 hours earlier than he usually did and of course he wanted me to join his side right away.

But I wanted to be in Karamoon.

I asked him to wait, which is not Gorean, not slave-like, and not the terms of our relationship. But he agreed to wait a little bit more.

Next thing I knew it was 3 hours later and J was getting angry. Rightfully so, but I just didn’t care. I was playing the question game with Druid and it was the most fun I had had in a long time in RP. We asked all sorts of crazy questions that had to be answered truthfully until finally Druid took a long swig of his mead and asked, “How long have you and my son been lovers?”

Best RP ever.

But soon after that he had to go to sleep and I had to return home to an angry Master.

But my mind was made up. This was not what I wanted, I didn’t want to sneak around with Snow in IMs or in Karamoon, and I didn’t want to say “I love you” to someone I clearly did not love anymore.

It was time.

We danced around a bit until finally J asked if I loved him and I replied truthfully, picked up my things, and have never looked back.

Since then it’s been an adventure with Snow, which you’ll get to hear a lot about as I go on. But this, in a nutshell, is how it started. I’m not proud, I haven’t told anyone exactly how it went and what motivated me, but I felt that I had to write it down, to explain, so that I can come to terms with what I did, and move on.