Keep Moving
A lot has changed, a lot has. It always has been changing though right?
But this time it didn’t start with a fight, with anger, with hate. It just happened in a way I nor anyone else could control. And I felt lost, the same feeling I felt when D disappeared. Just the knowing that there was nothing I could do except enjoy the time I had with Snow and remember him always as a dear friend who helped open up the doors for me.
One of those things he did for me was give me the fae faction of Karamoon. It was on the brink of death when I took over. And I wasn’t sure what the hell I was going to do. But I set to work, started planning events, writing notecards, talking to members and even stirring up drama (unintentionally but the little guttersnipe was acting nice to my face whilst people were sending me IMs where she was clearly spreading lies and trying to get me booted so I didn’t put up with it. I don’t think she realizes I knew what was really going on and so to her it seems my actions were unwarranted.) And within a few months the fae faction was alive and strong. When I was attacked by the daughter of the Port Governor I don’t think anyone else was prepared for the explosion that was caused, and when the Port was like “hey that’s not fair” we shrugged and pointed to our wings and said “fae”. Which I still don’t think is fully grasped by other rper’s in Karamoon but still, we fought the good fight to shatter the disney understanding of what fae are.
I loved leading the fae. I loved the people I met, the rp we developed together… the friendships I built have seen me through and I loved all of the fae. It was just us running around and having fun. Somehow I had even inspired once more the conversations in group chat when we couldn’t be together. I felt like I was in Tor again, having fun with my sisters and looking forward to each day.
It wasn’t all good though. The fae in Karamoon had no base. We shared in a crowded cave that all of the Wilds used. When I asked the sim owner about it she said she’d get back to me if she thought we could prove we were alive once more. So I set out to do that and succeeded. But she never got back to me. Putting down three prims for the fae turned out to be a huge ordeal although in the end I got it done. Other players often griped that we weren’t being what they thought the fae should be. And when I tried to explain that in the old Celtic legends fae were not fluttery happy go lucky creatures that dropped everything to help humans, they got angry. Which only encouraged us as a faction to be truer to the stories, more cruel, more detached, and the cycle continued but we had fun with it.
When I found out Snow would not be returning I lowered my head and knew that I could not continue as Essie, the human turned Sidhe waiting for her satyr prince to return home and marry her. Without Snow there was no motivation for Essie and she’d never leave him in RP, even if he was dead.
So I gave up what I loved. I gave up the character that I had finally perfected, that I loved signing on and rping and for a few days I didn’t know if I was even going to stay in SL. But Druid got me to rp as his daughter and I admit I loved that very quickly.
But there was a glaring problem. As Essie I was willing to put up with a lot of Karamoon’s imperfections as I wanted so badly to make the fae everything it could be for Snow’s return. I wanted to rebuild a base, I wanted to show people what fae really were, and I was willing to carry any weight the admins asked of me. As Olympia I didn’t have that type of motivation any longer, I wasn’t willing to bite the bullet anymore for anyone. As Olympia I was a strong warrioress who didn’t put up with shit anymore. If you pissed me off IC I didn’t smile, I pulled out a sword and took you out. And soon with this new personality and lack of motivation to keep ignoring things, the imperfections of Karamoon more and more became something I could no longer tolerate.
The meter often had huge glitches, such as the vampire bite glitch, that players would use to win fights. I had actually defeated a vampire after he bit me, and it continued to suck my life from me as he was lying there until I died and he was revived. How is it if I’m still attacking someone they are able to in rp bite me and suck my blood? Well one of the admins heard me grumbling and tested out the glitch and agreed with me it was broken but the maker would not be happy to hear it. Nothing was done… nothing was done for a month until finally one of the meter maker’s friends who is nearly impossible to beat was defeated one day by a vampire who was of much lower level. And only then! Was the quirk turned off so it could be looked at.
The admin were becoming more and more detached from what the players actually wanted. Why was this? Because too much was asked from them and they couldn’t rp very often any longer. How can anyone possibly hope to create rules for a group that they do not have much contact with anymore? Some of the admin at one time were good friends of mine so I know they are good people, I just feel that as time went on and they were over burdened with their task they lost touch with everything and would create rules that the players hated and griped about, which only pushed them further way and the vicious cycle continued. In fact it was a bad admin decision in my opinion (and many others) that made me throw my hands in the air, declare “fuck it!” and tp out of Karamoon forever.
Then there were some of the players who were purposely (well maybe not, how do I know they just don’t understand what kindness is) doing things to hurt other players. One such person was Kia. Kia has been a thorn in a lot of people’s sides for a long time. When she first came she’d rp being prude and pout when ever anyone talked about sex or had any fun dancing with each other. She often bossed people around in RP and OOC, telling them what they could and couldn’t do whereas she was an elf… who could shapeshift into a cat… that went into heat…. and then she was a dragon elf… who could shift into a cat… who would rp being an elf in heat. Also on a side note, anyone who rp’s being in heat as sexy has not owned a female dog or cat. It’s not sexy… your vaginal lips are grossly swollen, you’re bleeding everywhere and you rub it onto things while making not sexy sounds but loud annoying noises. But aaaall of that aside I could have dealt, could have ignored her being an idiot. I could have until she started making alts. Alts that would hit on my father and alts that would hit on my mate. And we all found it funny so I probably could have dealt with that too. No it wasn’t until the night she started IMing my mate with how I was going to betray him and how he shouldn’t have hooked up with me. That’s when it ceased to be funny. The next week she then demanded on a different alt that my father have sex with her. Which he wont because he thinks she’s crazy. She was the biggest thorn in my side in Karamoon and it was drama that no one could really control so I don’t blame anyone for that. It was just getting out of hand and the more I began to butt heads with her in ways she doesn’t know about the more unhealthy it was for me and I was ready to get away from her.
And last… my story as Olympia was fucked up by other players. I was asked to kidnap my own father. And I hated it. I hated it I hated it. But I did it for my mate because he was struggling with the Keep and I wanted to show everyone that I would help the rp in the Keep if they gave me the chance. So I did it. And the person who demanded I did it, never bothered to come when it was announced I had him, even though we asked him to come (not entirely his fault as he was being an admin), and none of the others who had also thought it was a great idea came either. So there I was, just really fucked up my character’s story because people demanded I do it, and then they didn’t even acknowledge I did it. In fact the very next day my mate and I were kicked out by one of the people who supported my doing this. Yes he had a grand plot and I understand it now that he’s communicated it, but he didn’t explain his reasoning until after he kicked us out of the Keep and thus it was doomed to fail. By that time I felt the character I wanted stolen away from me, and the reason I allowed it stolen from me as well.
After that I didn’t go to Karamoon for weeks. I didn’t want to. I was angry. I was hurt. I felt as if everything Karamoon once was was slipping away as they bought more and more sims with no real need to do so. Karamoon was great when it was just two sims because people were close together and had to rp next to one another. After about… what four sims? (There’s more than that now) People were just scattered around, the admin had more than they could control, the builds were going as slowly as possible so factions were just torn out of their bases and had to wait months…. months and months… trying to hold it together with no place to have a common ground and meet… and it was becoming too much to afford thus even though a lot of money was lost, the admin team were trying to become more and more lucrative and thus a place of rp was starting to also look like a business plan. Not a good one. But the underlying feeling of “give us more money” was starting to bleed through.
And so… I left. I left and wrote an aaawfully mean profile pick about why I hated it there and then I forgot about it. Because! The very next day things fell apart in my own house and I moved out. Wasn’t planning it really. I knew it was going to happen, the family situation was getting ridiculously bad and it’s not just young adult hormones as everyone I know on a personal level has been begging me to get out for years now and finally I did. So needless to say, Karamoon got pushed out of my mind completely as I was struggling to put my life back together.
And then the sim owner IMd me to remind me. Her argument was that she doesn’t make money. That was it. I was being hurtful when she’s making so much sacrifice in the wallet. I replied that her answer only makes me more sick as she’s confirmed for me what was the most important to her. Money.
And then I got reported to the lindens. I was told if I didn’t take it down as it was I would be suspended. And honestly I didn’t care and left it up for a few more days before my mate begged me to change it so he wouldn’t lose me as Olympia. So I took out the Karamoon part. But you know… if one person had just spoken to me (which no one still has) ((although some just keep IMing my friends that I still talk to so that my friends can tell me they’re sorry. That’s lame. If you are my friend and you’re sorry just say so. Don’t IM my friend’s list)) I’d have taken it done without a problem. I was angry the day I left, I was stressed because I knew I was about to say goodbye to my family in a nasty way, and I was hurt after trying so hard and just being used and then ignored by the people who were doing it.
But the wondreful thing is…. I’m in a new sim, Valahari. I’m the leader of the fae again. It’s a little dead, but the more I work on it, even within the first week, I can see it coming back to life with people who know what it means to be a fae. I have a fae base and I’m going to meet with the sim owner and builder to discuss how it should look. I talk to the sim owner regularly, I go to the admin meetings and put in my two cents. I’m not ignored.
Which is much more than I ever had in Karamoon. I loved it while it lasted, but now that I’m in a new place that’s providing everything I was denied I realized that I put up with way more than I ever had to. That there are places I can go and have my ideas heard and if I say I don’t like something I can talk to the sim owner and we can work it out and make it better.
It seems to be that you find a great sim and you go with the ride for a while and it’s wonderful and you enjoy it while lasts but things change and you need to be ready for it. I might end up hating Valahari as much as I do Karamoon in a year. But for the moment, I’d want nothing else.
